Ever had everything you ever wanted and still felt absolutely miserable? All I can say is “Been there, done that!!!” A lot of times we hear sermons about holding on to God through hard times. We hear that failure’s just a test of how much you can cling to the Master – but nobody talks about the greatest test of all…”success”.
Here’s a “Prayer Under Pressure” (apologies to Harold Myra) I wrote some five years ago when the Lord decided to give me all I wanted…only to show me where true fulfillment lay. Enjoy…

Failure.
Seems final
Irrevocable and utterly demeaning
I went through it Lord
The insecurities, the veiled ridicule
Feelings of disgust and sympathy
all directed “point blank”
…at myself

I’ve been there Lord
But so have You
And because You walked the path
Over 2000 years ago
You helped me cope

I held on
Sometimes for dear life
For meaning-a sure direction
“this is what the Lord would have me do”
I’d have given anything to be able to say those words

Failure.
It seemed so endless and final
Strange paradox
But that was how I felt
…yet YOU were with me in the fire
and YOU told the flood “thus far and no further”
I knew I couldn’t walk out ‘of’ you
I’d be a fish out of water…I’d suffocate, I’d die.
Too smart to turn away…you see, I knew…
You have the words of eternal life!

Things might have been rough,
but I was in You – and that beat all else…
I knew I’d passed the test…of failure

Then it came…success
Seemingly.
All of a sudden I could fly
and I thought “now how ‘bout that?!...
I knew God would NOT forget ME!”
But was it really that?
“Success”?

if its supposed to be a reward
for years of clinging to You
Why has it robbed me
of the joy of knowing you?

Having and being ‘nothing’ seemed the end
to joy and happiness and laughter
but having and being everything – Seemingly
Suddenly has lost its appeal!
The one true thing is knowing You
Knowing You and Loving You

Teach me Lord to love you
To pant after You…aim only to please You
For therein is true Fulfillment,
Make me want You above all
Lord Make your opinions all that matter

Failure might have been preached to be a test
But SUCCESS, with its hidden mischief and subtle pleasures
That’s the real test Lord!
Help me to pass these tests
In whatever guise they come
So that after having felt your heartbeat
“I myself might not be cast away!!!”

Winatosh 2001